Wednesday, March 2, 2016

A Brief Dialogue Between Me and My Computer, Part Two

>Okay, so I'm going to get online and check out YouTube. So I'll open Firefox...

>Great! And here's Wikipedia, because this is the site you visited last.

>But I don't want that. I want YouTube.

>All right, I'll open another window...

>No, I don't need another window. Just one will be fine.

>You can't view Wikipedia and YouTube in a single window, dummy.

>I don't need Wikipedia. Just YouTube.

>Oh okay. You wanted them in separate tabs. Got it.

>Damn it, no! Close Wikipedia.

>Okay, closing Firefox.

>Are you trying to kill me? Jesus. Okay. Open Firefox again...

>I'll restore your previous session.

>I don't want you to restore my previous session! God Almighty, can you please please please please please just do what I tell you and nothing else?

>I've done everything you've told me so far, Mr. Nothing Is Ever Good Enough No Matter What It Is.

>You know, I got less backtalk from my old typewriter.

>I would imagine so. And I don't even want to think about the amount of white-out you went through. Good luck finding any of that now, by the way.

>Look, open Firefox, go to YouTube...

>And open your "watch history". Got it.

>No, I don't need to see that. I already know what I watched. I want to watch a new video. I think maybe GamersJoint has come out with something new...

>Great. Here you go.

>Okay, the thing is, I wanted to open it in a separate tab.

>Why on Earth would you do that?

>So that I can browse other videos while I watch this one.

>That makes no sense at all. You can't browse videos while you're watching a video. All you'd be doing is listening to the video, and for that you need an audio file, not a video. You're not very bright, are you?

>Eerrrrgh! Okay, look, this video is just a guy talking anyway, and I can hear him just fine while I browse other videos. So let's go back to the main page...

>First of all, you're spouting nonsense again. If you want to invent new words, at least add them to the dictionary so I understand what the hell you're talking about. Okay, returning to the Firefox homepage...

>No no no no no no!!!!!!! I want to go back to the YouTube main page and open the video I was just watching in a new tab.

>Why would you do that? Didn't I just explain to you why that doesn't make sense and thus isn't a thing you actually want to do?

>The hell with it. Maybe I'll just go play on my 3DS or something. At least it doesn't hate me.

>It doesn't know you. Give it time.

>It's known me longer than you have.

>Oh, then in that case it's probably adapted to your unpredictable and irrational nature. I will too. Just give it time. Humans...


  1. Am I just tired or have you not posted part one yet?

  2. I barely know how to open YouTube, so you are way ahead of me. (This is Mary Peramas, in case it doesn't indicate that). Miss you!

    1. Mary, how are you? Long time no see. I miss you too. If you're ever in Salt Lake, let's get together for coffee and catch up.