Hashtag

I never used to think about hashtags. They were a thing used to break up sections of a longer work. Nothing more, nothing less. Never gave them much thought beyond their utilitarian purpose. But now there's Twitter, and they have a new purpose, don't they? And God, how I hate it. Everything has a hashtag now, and I do mean everything.

#IHateHashtags
#WhyHashtagsAndNotSomeOtherSymbol?
#AtLeastThe@ThingKindOfMadeSense
#OnTheOtherHandMaybeIShouldHaveATwitter
#ButIHateAllSocialMedia
#ButThat'sHowPeopleConnect
#ButIHateIt
#I'mSuddenlyFeelingVeryNeurotic

Get the picture? I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I don't want to start a trending topic or anything else. I hate, hate, hate, seeing these damn things in front of everything. We need something new, something different. Of course, then whatever that thing is will just become the thing that I hate, and then I'll probably look back on hashtags with a kind of nostalgic reverence. Oh God, what can I do?

I guess not much. In the end, there are certain things about the society in which I live that I'm just going to have to learn to put up with. And this is probably one of them.

#I'llLearnToLiveWithIt

Money

Money's weird, right? What is it exactly? I mean, if an alien came down and asked you to explain it  to him, and told you that no such thing existed or ever had existed on his planet, what would you tell him? This is  stuff that's we've all agreed we can exchange for other stuff. Okay, and...?

Every week, I go hand a bunch of cash to someone at a bank. That person types a bunch of nonsense into a computer, and then puts the money in a drawer. Where the cash goes from there, no one knows. Maybe the guy behind me gets it. How does it all work? What is it all based on? Why do we need it at all? These questions have probably been asked by wiser men than I, and they don't seem to have any answers. We need it to prove something I guess. That we work, maybe. Except there's no connection between how hard you work and how much money you earn. Maybe you need it to prove you're educated. Except there's no connection between how educated you are and how much money you make. What's it all for?

Hell, maybe the only people who understand it are the ones who have it. As for me, I'm off to my low-skill, low-wage job to try and earn some more of it, you know, before my bills come due. Later, folks!

A Brief Dialogue Between Me and My Computer, Part Two

>Okay, so I'm going to get online and check out YouTube. So I'll open Firefox...

>Great! And here's Wikipedia, because this is the site you visited last.

>But I don't want that. I want YouTube.

>All right, I'll open another window...

>No, I don't need another window. Just one will be fine.

>You can't view Wikipedia and YouTube in a single window, dummy.

>I don't need Wikipedia. Just YouTube.

>Oh okay. You wanted them in separate tabs. Got it.

>Damn it, no! Close Wikipedia.

>Okay, closing Firefox.

>Are you trying to kill me? Jesus. Okay. Open Firefox again...

>I'll restore your previous session.

>I don't want you to restore my previous session! God Almighty, can you please please please please please just do what I tell you and nothing else?

>I've done everything you've told me so far, Mr. Nothing Is Ever Good Enough No Matter What It Is.

>You know, I got less backtalk from my old typewriter.

>I would imagine so. And I don't even want to think about the amount of white-out you went through. Good luck finding any of that now, by the way.

>Look, open Firefox, go to YouTube...

>And open your "watch history". Got it.

>No, I don't need to see that. I already know what I watched. I want to watch a new video. I think maybe GamersJoint has come out with something new...

>Great. Here you go.

>Okay, the thing is, I wanted to open it in a separate tab.

>Why on Earth would you do that?

>So that I can browse other videos while I watch this one.

>That makes no sense at all. You can't browse videos while you're watching a video. All you'd be doing is listening to the video, and for that you need an audio file, not a video. You're not very bright, are you?

>Eerrrrgh! Okay, look, this video is just a guy talking anyway, and I can hear him just fine while I browse other videos. So let's go back to the main page...

>First of all, you're spouting nonsense again. If you want to invent new words, at least add them to the dictionary so I understand what the hell you're talking about. Okay, returning to the Firefox homepage...

>No no no no no no!!!!!!! I want to go back to the YouTube main page and open the video I was just watching in a new tab.

>Why would you do that? Didn't I just explain to you why that doesn't make sense and thus isn't a thing you actually want to do?

>The hell with it. Maybe I'll just go play on my 3DS or something. At least it doesn't hate me.

>It doesn't know you. Give it time.

>It's known me longer than you have.

>Oh, then in that case it's probably adapted to your unpredictable and irrational nature. I will too. Just give it time. Humans...